Christian Marriage – TINA UNSELL

Christian Marriage, Faith & Healing, Forgiveness, Marriage

But God ….

December 10, 2021by Tina Unsell2 Comments

Sometimes the love and grace that I often extend to others I don’t always extend to my husband.

Buried beneath all the pain of past hurts, past broken promises, past unforgiveness, are the resemblance of my broken heart.

Which often-times manifest itself in the things that I say about my husband.

The things I do for my husband.

The way I treat my husband.

My actions towards my husband.

And sometimes they are exhibited unfairly.

I admit that more often than not my actions are unwarranted.

But let me be clear, he isn’t perfect, far from it, but neither am I.

No perfect people here!

We both have things we need to change within ourselves, within our hearts, and within our minds.

And more importantly there are things we need to surrender to God.

I often think about how God views my responses, my words, my actions, and even, my thoughts towards my husband.

I’m certain He isn’t pleased, but mercifully understands my pain.

Even in the midst of pain and immense suffering often attributed by the hands of others, aren’t we supposed to forgive?

Didn’t the Lord say in His Holy Word that we are to forgive others as we were forgiven?

Why do I hold on so tightly to resentment?

Why do I allow the enemy to continue to steal my joy?

Why do I allow the enemy to hold so tightly to my bruised heart with a force so tight that only God can release his grip?

Even when I see my husband trying, I find myself questioning his sincerity, which quickly diminishes his efforts.

But then there are times when I see that he isn’t trying very hard.

When hints of past hurts are blatantly splashed across my face.

When words are thrown at me like a twirling knife, tumbling through the air that cuts deep within my heart and soul.

Then I ask God how am I supposed to surrender our marriage over to Him when every evidence of restoration isn’t often visible?

Do I hurt?

Yes!

Do I want to forgive?

Yes!

Is it possible to forgive?

Yes!

I have to ask the question again, have I honestly surrendered our marriage into the hands of the Lord?

I thought I had.

When I think I have surrendered, I must surrender more!

Why do I often allow myself to continue to condemn my husband?

We all know the answer to that, right!

I’m unpleasantly aware that the enemy would like nothing more than to destroy our marriage.

He will stop at nothing to accomplish his goal.

In fact that’s his ultimate goal.

To steal, kill and destroy by whatever means possible.

He will even go as far as to use manipulation.

He will manipulate my mind into believing his lies and focusing on things that aren’t true.

And in effect when I act on them, I have failed myself, I have failed my husband, And I have failed God.

How do I combat the fiery darts that are relentlessly thrown at me?

Do I continue to trust in my own self will and abilities or do I trust in God?

So, I’ll ask myself the question again, have I truly surrendered it all over to Him?

Admittedly, not fully.

One moment I’m laying it all at His feet and the next I’m picking it back up again.

Do I want to fully surrender?

Yes, so very desperately!

I’m desperate for the Lord to be the center of our marriage union.
I’m desperate for restoration in our marriage.
I’m desperate for healing in our marriage.
I’m desperate for transformation in our marriage.
I’m desperate for forgiveness in our marriage.
I’m desperate for soundness in our marriage.
I’m desperate for unity in our marriage.
I’m desperate for peace in our marriage.
I’m desperate for the Lord to be the foundation of our marriage.
I’m desperate for everything the Lord has to give us in regards to our marriage.

It is the cry of my wounded heart.

Can we ever get to that place?

Can we ever move past the brokenness?

We don’t have to be broken together do we?

Can’t we be whole together?

Can’t we find completeness in Christ, together?

Is life hard?

Yes!

Is marriage hard?

Yes!

I’m not the first to admit it, am I ?

Then what do we do?

How do we proceed?

Do we give up?

Do we throw in the towel so to speak?

Do we say we’re done?

No!

Giving up on each other isn’t the solution.

We keep pressing onward.
We keep putting one foot in front of the other.
We keep praying and seeking the face of God.
We continue to put our trust over our marriage into the hands of God.
We cry out to Him when we need Him.
We continually ask God to help us.
We continually ask Him to show us ways that we can do better.
We continually ask Him to show us how we can become a better spouse to one another.
We continually ask Him to reveal those things that we need to change within ourselves.
We continually ask Him to show us the areas where we are failing each other and how to improve on them.

Will we fall short?

Yes, at times we may.

Does God expect us to always get it all right?

No!

He knows that as long as we walk in this freshly body that we will have trouble, trials, tribulation,temptation, affliction, and the list goes on.

But I have found assurance in these two words…

But God!

But God promises to be with us.
But God promises to walk with us.
But God promises to comfort us.
But God promises to lead us.
But God promises to instruct us.
But God promises to guide us.
But God promises to teach us.

But God promises to direct us in the lessons we can learn from Scripture that will show us how we can exemplify the marriage union after His will for us.

But God promises to reveal in us how important it is to build our marriage on a strong foundation on the things of God.

But God promises to convey the significance of being patient, kind and loving with our spouses, and to show us how to be attentive, avoid resentment, anger, blame, jealousy, or becoming indifferent or boastful in our own achievements.

But God promises to remind us of our obligation to our spouses to be thoughtful, respectful, and forgiving towards one another.

But God promises that when we resolve to put Him first in every aspect, and at the center of our marriage, with our dependence fully in Him and Him alone, we can and will overcome anything, even our marriages.

But God promises in our willingness to surrender our lives, heart and marriages over to Him, then He can and will bless the marriage union in ways one could never have imagined.

But God promises that …“We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” (Romans‬ ‭8:37‬ NKJV‬‬)

But God!
But God!
But God!

When all seems impossible, there is always… But God!
When all feels hopeless, there is always… But God!
When all appears lost, there is always… But God!
When all looks unrepairable, there is always… But God!

But God … is the good news of God Almighty, Himself.

It’s His answer to every challenge,every situation, every difficulty,every sadness,every burden,every adversity to mention a few.

The enemy doesn’t have the final word concerning our marriage, But God… does!

It’s time to armor up!

In His Love,

Tina ~

Christian Marriage, Faith & Healing, Forgiveness, Marriage

I’ve Surrendered!

November 18, 2021by Tina Unsell2 Comments

I’ve surrendered!

I’ve finally surrendered my marriage over to the Lord!

After so many years of fighting our differences I have laid it all down at the feet of Jesus.

I’m handing it all over to Him.

In prayer I am surrendering my marriage over to God and opening my heart and hands in representation of the release of my marriage to Him.

I’m exchanging the pain, heartache and wondering what the future might hold for our marriage for God’s good and perfect will for our marriage.

In Proverbs 3:5-7 the Lord instructs us to ….”Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.”

Here the Lord is saying that we cannot do this by our own self will and abilities, but we must trust in the Lord and ask for His strength.

If we put our trust in Him, He promises to remove the obstacles that are a hindrance to our marriage and straighten the stressful path.

When we give our marriage over to the Lord and fully trust in Him with the understanding that our marriage is a gift from Him, it can bring God glory and ourselves joy when we surrender our marriage to Him.

He already knows what’s broken and needs mending.

He knows what is good and worthy of nurturing and protecting.

He knows the time that we have invested in our marriage is worth preserving.

He knows the things that I need to improve on.

He knows the things that my husband needs to improve on.

He knows what I need to change in order to be a Godly wife that nurtures and respects my husband.

He knows what my husband needs to change in order to be a Godly man that nurtures and respects me as His wife as well.

I am allowing the Lord to lead me in the areas that need correcting.

I understand that I have made many errors in our relationship.

We both have.

I am asking the Lord to make me aware of those past mistakes so that I do not continue to make them.

I am praying the same for my husband, however I will have to leave his part of surrendering his past mistakes into the hands of the Lord.

I cannot do the work for my husband. He has to be willing to do the work of restoration and healing on behalf of our marriage as well.

I am trusting God, and allowing Him to transform our marriage.

I know our marriage isn’t perfect.

Actually it’s far from it.

Whose marriage is perfect?

Marriage takes work! A lot of work!

Yes, there have been enormous heartbreaks, words we can’t take back, unwise decisions and choices that can’t be undone, and years wasted on trying to change one another.

If I’ve learned anything along this journey as a married couple, it is this,

You can’t take away the pain by adding more pain.

You can’t take away the bitterness by adding more bitterness.

You can’t take away those hurtful words by adding more hurtful words.

You can’t take away the unwise choices by adding more unwise choices.

You can’t take away those wrong decisions by adding more wrong decisions.

You can’t take away the bad behavior by adding more bad behavior.

You can’t offer forgiveness if you are unwilling to forgive one another yourselves.

We both have to be willing to change.

We both have to be willing to forgive.

We both have to be willing to do better.

We both have to be willing to have a desire to do better.

We both have to resolve to change those habits that we have become so accustomed to during our marriage.

We both have our annoying habits.

We both get angry.

We both say things we don’t really mean.

We both have done things we wish we could take back.

We both have uttered words we wish we could take back.

But even amidst all that seemed to have gone wrong along the way, there is still so much that has gone right.

My husband gets me and I get him.

I understand him and he understands me.

We kind of just click in certain areas and those are the things that make us perfect for each other and cause us to enjoy one another’s company.

He knows my moods and I know his.

He cares about the things that I care about.

I care about the things he cares about.

He accepts me for who I am.

I accept him for who he is.

He loves me for who I am.

I love him for who he is.

Can we do better? Yes!

Are there things we should do better? Yes!

There are always those opportunities to improve and make our relationship stronger.

Can we open our hearts and resolve to stop the fighting and bickering with one another?

Can we take our broken hearts and place them into the hands of the one who can piece them back together again?

Can we learn how to forgive one another?

Scripture reminds us in Colossians 3:13: “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man has a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do you.”

May we learn how to exhibit patience, love and forgiveness towards one another.

Not only for the heartbreak, the hurtful words, the unwise decisions, bad choices, or the wasted years trying to make each other into someone we’re not, but maybe we could forgive one another for wanting to make our marriage into what we wanted it to be, and not necessarily what God wants it to be.

Maybe if we could forgive ourselves for forgetting what it means to become one flesh, as the Lord intended and is reflected in the Godly union of man and woman.

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24 KJV)

God intended for man and woman to share the immense depth and love of their one-flesh union.

In the creation of both man and woman He understood that we would have differences.

It is important to understand that those differences weren’t designed to restrict us, divide us, separate us, or cause us to oppose and be set against one another. On the contrary, they’re meant to embody, unify and bring us together into closer bonds with each other.

Marriage is a partnership and both have to be willing to do the work.

Both the easy and the hard!

There will be times of difficulty, trials, grief, loss, sorrow, health related issues and even financial uphills that we must battle, but if we are willing to stay connected, support, respect and love one another through everything we endure, while allowing God’s sustaining power to strengthen us, there is nothing that we cannot achieve together.

I understand that our marriage isn’t past the point of unrepairable.

Yes, we both have flaws and imperfections that should be addressed.

We both have selfishness, apathy and pride buried deep within our hearts that needs conquered, but God is perfectly able to bring transformation into those areas and exceedingly far more.

God’s Word, Power and Truth can revitalize what appears to be a hopeless situation and make it joyous, blissful and satisfying.

God has the power to restore our marriage.

Nothing is too difficult for the Lord.

“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27)

When we resolve to release our marriage into the Lord’s faithful hands, that is when we can confidently declare that there is nothing too hard for those who put their hope and trust in Him.

God is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine in our hearts and in our marriage.

Therefore, in my surrender, I will keep looking to God, praying, trusting, and thanking Him for my husband and for my marriage.

Heavenly Father,
I thank you for the gift of my husband and marriage. I humbly surrender myself and my marriage into Your loving hands and Your sovereignity. Give me the wisdom and the desire to daily seek to be a godly example of what a wife should be to her husband. Lord, help me to always live intentionally for You and by Your Word and by making You the center of our marriage. Give me the yearning and strength to be the kind of wife You want me to be and not who I want to be. Transform my mind, my heart and my thinking and make me into the person that is perfectly suited into the plan You have for my husband and our marriage. In Jesus’ name, Amen..

What is that hard thing that God is asking you to surrender?

Pray to God and ask Him to reveal it to you. We need His direction over our lives and even our marriages, for without it we wonder helplessly!

“O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.”
—Philippians 4:6

In His Love,

Tina ~

Christian Life & Living, Christian Marriage, Faith, Marriage

Selfless Love

June 4, 2021June 5, 2021by Tina UnsellLeave a Comment

While driving along in the car, my son giggles and laughs in the backseat with the innocence which only a child can give and who knows nothing of the pain this world will at times unpleasantly offer.

Seated next to me, my husband is silent and as I look over at him, I think, What happened to us? When did we get to this place where being with one another feels just like being alone. My mind drifts away from my son’s joyful laughter and deep into my contemplative thoughts and I wonder how this could have happened. Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Not deliberately.

Then I came to the realization that… some people will never be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved because of the simple fact that they themselves don’t know how to love. Love is not just something you say. It’s not just a feeling. It’s not just words. It’s so much more …

God gave us many examples of love, but one that resembles my definition of love and marriage is this…

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
– ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-8‬

‭It may sound ridiculous to some, but I believe when two people love one another with the kind of love that goes far beyond just the physical attraction and resolves to give mutual respect, trust, and honesty, as well as making God the center focus of the marriage, then blessings will abound and unfold perfectly.

Happy marriages aren’t just made. It takes work and the willingness to surrender your lives, heart, and marriage over to Him. Then He can and will bless the marriage union in ways one could never have imagined.

This is why I love – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8‬, because each time I read it I am reminded of — Selfless love… How beautiful to love and to be loved such as this.

God Bless you,

Tina ~